You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
