You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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