Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
did you just send me my own nude
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
