I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize