I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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