No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
