my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
