please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
