so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
