It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
