I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize