It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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