oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
