Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
