We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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