the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The beer is more important than you right now.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
