That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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