You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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