i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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