Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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