Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
