You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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