ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My cat gives me a boner
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
