if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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