Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
