I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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