I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
