remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
