Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
