okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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