I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
