I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
