Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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