I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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