No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
