i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
