dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
