he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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