She's JV to your varsity
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
