If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Couch. On fire.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
