So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize