My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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