nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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