I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
