my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize