i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
