I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
