So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
