She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
