you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
