She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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