just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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