I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
FUCK WHALES
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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