My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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