Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
do herpes really smell.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
