What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize