the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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