all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
