and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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