i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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