There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
