Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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