Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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