HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
