I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize