When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
