He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
