Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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