belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
