would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
