i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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