GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
