Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
