I puked a lego.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
