i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
babies were throwing up all over the place
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Everything about him screamed your future.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
