i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
God I need to hump something, right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
