If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
