i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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